This deceptively simple dish is a gem. You do most of the preparation the night before by getting drunk. This is because if you really want to experience the truly extraordinary life saving properties of this meal, you’re going to need to be in the recovery stage of a really vicious hangover. One of those blitzkrieg hangovers where you feel as if you’re suffering from Ebola, been used as a guinea pig for some horrific new nerve gas, hit by an asteroid, and struck by lightning.
I am certainly not advocating drinking to excess, but hangovers happen in the best regulated families. Nor am I going to tell you what to drink; this is an empowering blog site, and that’s up to you. Personally I’ve found eight large tequila slammers and a dodgy bottle of Algerian red wine from your local minimart will do the trick. Lamb’s Navy Rum will probably work, as will Jack Daniel’s. Premium lager with Drambuie depthcharges, those would be good. Don’t get too flash and start hitting the Cointreau and Chartreuse cocktails, or you may well end up in the funeral home.
You won’t be able to face solids until about 6:00 pm, so lie down in a cool, dark place. Drink lots of weak jasmine tea, and a couple of litres of Lucozade. No energy drinks or coffee! The caffeine will make your hands shake even more, and the resulting spike in blood pressure will make it feel as if your brain is going to leak out of your ears.
Go down to the kitchen. Your legs may still be a bit unpredictable, and the dizzy spells won’t help, so be careful on the stairs, won’t you? Congratulate yourself on a job well done.
Here’s what you need
Dried pasta. Shells or twists work well, but any will do
A large beef tomato, or two or three smaller ones. You ought to peel them, but as this involves boiling water and a sharp knife, and your coordination may not be at its peak, don’t bother
Three or four dried red chillies
Big clove of garlic, crushed
Here’s what you do
Put about a tablespoon of oil in a large heavy pan, and add about a teaspoonful of sesame oil. Gently warm the oil, and put the dried pasta in, and stir well to coat the pasta. Chuck in some boiling water, and cook according to the instructions.
While the pasta’s cooking, roughly chop the tomato (careful with that axe, Eugene), put the chunks in a bowl. Finely chop the chillies and scatter them over the tomato, add the garlic, then halve the lime and squeeze in the juice. Mix gently but well.
When the pasta’s cooked, drain well and rinse it with boiling water. Put it back in the pan over the lowest heat you can achieve. As things start to sizzle a bit, stir well, then add the tomato mix. Stir well again.
Serve in bowls, with spoons; you don’t want to be handling anything fiddly like a fork.
About ten minutes after you’ve eaten, a miracle happens. Your vision clears, and you rise like Lazarus.
Be warned! Resurrection pasta is a pretty potent aphrodisiac, which may be a pleasant surprise for your partner/lover/spouse. You can always wash up in the morning.